"Fix my kid!" - Why family therapy must go beyond the child
- Michelle Copley
- Oct 20, 2024
- 2 min read
Updated: Feb 5
A family is a system
As a mom of three teenagers, I understand firsthand the challenges that can arise when your child’s behavior becomes overwhelming. The instinct to ask “How do I fix my kid?” is natural. But here’s the thing—my San Francisco family therapy practice isn’t just about changing the behavior of one child. It’s about understanding the family as a system. Each member influences one another, and when something is off with one person, the ripple effect is felt by all.
Family therapy helps to address this interconnectedness. By taking a whole-family approach, we can create a lasting, healthy dynamic where everyone feels heard, understood, and valued.
Nature, nurture, and environment
Child behavior is complex, influenced by a combination of their natural temperament, the ways they’ve been nurtured, and the environment around them. Sometimes, what looks like defiance or withdrawal is really a response to stress, insecurity, or even unmet needs within the family system.
As someone who practices Nonviolent Resistance and the Nurtured Heart Approach®, I focus on de-escalating conflict and nourishing proactive—not reactive—responses to a child's challenging behavior. We work together to foster the strengths that already exist within each child and family. This approach highlights the positive qualities in each member, helping to reshape behavior from the inside out. By focusing on what is going right, we set the foundation for positive expectations, stronger relationships, and improved behavior.
Family therapy must go beyond the child
It’s common for parents to seek therapy when they feel their child is struggling—whether it’s academic difficulties, social challenges, or emotional outbursts. However, family therapy goes beyond simply focusing on the child. Often, there are underlying patterns in communication or unresolved issues within the family that contribute to these behaviors.
In therapy, we work together to examine these patterns and strengthen the family as a whole. You might be surprised to find that when the family dynamic improves, so does your child’s behavior. The goal is not to “fix” your child but to create a supportive environment where they—and every member of the family—can thrive. Children do well when they can.
Applying lessons
In our sessions, we’ll work on real-life strategies that you can use every day at home. These might include new ways to communicate, setting clear and consistent boundaries, planned ignoring of unwanted behaviors, and finding opportunities to celebrate your family’s strengths. The goal is for you to leave with practical tools that fit your unique family.
Family therapy in San Francisco is not about blame or fixing any one person. It’s about building stronger, healthier relationships where every family member feels valued and understood. And when we do that, positive change follows naturally.
If you'd like to discuss how my approach might help your family, book a free consultation below.
